We get the starting point in life backwards almost every time. Instead of starting by changing ourselves, we start by trying to change everyone else. We notice what our partner, our coworker, our neighbor, or the other side is doing something wrong long before we notice the same little habit in ourselves. It just feels easier that way — it’s much more comfortable to be the helper or the critic than to look in the mirror.
Part of it is just human nature. We give ourselves excuses and give others labels. And honestly, trying to fix other people feels productive and even noble — “I’m just trying to make things better!” — while working on ourselves feels small and slow. But that outside-in approach keeps us stuck, waiting for someone else to change first.
What if we flipped it? What if before we get frustrated about how someone spoke to us, we asked ourselves, “How did I speak to people today?” Before we wish someone would listen more, we asked, “Did I really listen today?” It’s not about blaming yourself for everything. It’s about starting where you actually have power — with you. When you do that, something softens. You become a little more humble, a little more believable, and people around you actually want to follow your lead, not because you forced them, but because you inspired them.
If we all started there, I think peace would have a real chance. Not because we’d all agree — we wouldn’t — but because we’d disagree more kindly. A world where everyone is pointing at everyone else is exhausting. A world where everyone says, “Let me start with me,” is a world where we can finally help each other, not as perfect teachers, but as friends figuring it out side by side.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:3-5
Being About The Journey 